Rejection Hurts

A few weeks ago, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts rejected me.  Well, not me exactly.  Massachusetts rejected my 1989 Jeep Wrangler, the metaphorical me.  Unlike 19 other states, Massachusetts requires annual safety and emissions testing of all vehicles wearing Bay State license plates.  Any car not up to snuff gets the dreaded “R” sticker in it’s windshield and the owner is given a 60 days to fix it’s issues before returning for a re-test.  Tires, suspension, brakes, lights, and steering components are all checked, as are seat belts.  You know, anything you might describe as “safety equipment”.  In addition, vehicles 15 years old and newer must pass a scan for emissions issues. Older vehicles must not produce any visible smoke.  All of this costs $35.  Is it a money grab by the state?  Absolutely.  Especially with the newly enacted rules governing lapsed inspection stickers.  The better question: is it needed for the greater good?  You bet it is.    

As an automotive service/parts veteran I've learned that despite the seemingly strict inspection laws in Massachusetts, there are an alarming number of shitboxes on the road.  For over ten years, I had at least one customer per week walk up to my parts counter asking for something to add to their brake fluid to seal leaks.  One customer who didn’t like my explanation of how this product didn’t exist (and would be wildly unsafe if it did) walked 5 feet down the counter and asked my colleague, Dan, the same question. Luckily for everyone, his hope for a different answer didn’t pan out.  

Doing the math…*fumbles on TI-83 calculator*…I’ve come across about 520 people who were knowingly driving around with sketchy brakes.  Dan and I jokingly called our non-existent wonder product “Chief Dan’s All In One Brake Fix”.  I haven’t checked with Dan in a while, but he was making test batches in his bath tub not long ago.  Stay tuned to see if it comes to market. 

“What fittings do I need to bypass the rear brakes on my car?”, was another terrifying question I received far too often.  One with an actual answer that I never divulged.  Instead, I would recommend a professional mechanic to have a look at the car or do my best to recommend the least expensive parts for a proper repair.  Half the time the customer stammered out, frustrated I was unwilling to to “help” them.     

One time, a beloved wholesale customer of mine, “Porky”, called because he was looking for brake pads for a Ford Ranger.  Nothing crazy.  But as I fumbled through the catalog searching for said pads, he told me the car needed them because his customer jammed pieces of plywood into the calipers when the brake pads wore out.  No big deal, right? 

I’m terrified when I imagine what kinds of car grace the roads of Florida, where there are no inspection laws.  While I am all for freedom, especially more of it, the number of people who mistake freedom for free-dumb astounds me.  Yes, you’re free to use roads with your car, but your car better be safe enough so it doesn’t kill me or anyone else.  Your inability to pay for repairs or your desperation to get to work tomorrow are not good enough excuses.  Neither is “I don’t drive this car often, so it’s fine’.  I’m not sorry and I will (metaphorically) die on this hill.  

It turned out that my Wrangler, the first car I ever owned, had a loose left front wheel bearing.  Shockingly, I’d only put about 800 miles or so since it’s inspection last year when it was given a clean bill of health.  Despite hardly an oil change’s worth of miles going by, the left front wheel had an alarming amount of slop in it.  Slop that didn’t translate to the steering wheel while I drove it.  I had no clue that it was becoming borderline dangerous!  

After a few days I was at my brother’s house.  My metaphorical self was on his lift while my actual self was pleasantly surprised how smooth the operation was.  While I was able to get the bolts out with ease, it took a bit of my brother’s brute force with a sledgehammer to get the old bearing out.  Sometimes, someone with less attachment isn’t afraid to be rough when it’s needed most.

I’m happy to say there’s now one less dangerous car on the road.  Even if it only does 800 miles per year.  You’re welcome.